The fire in me is ignited by learning, being of service and the growth of mind, body and soul.

                                                      MY LIFELONG JOURNEY TO HEALING AND SELF-ACCEPTANCE

      Hello! My name is Mequasah Simpson, pronounced Mec-Wa-Sa.  I grew up on a very rural home called Flower Song Farm in Eastern Oregon. We had a working farm, milked cows, fed and sold hogs, and gathered eggs from our chickens. We also had an orchard with apples, blueberry bushes, cherries, and plums. My mother still makes the BEST cherry pies. We grew up planting all sorts in the earth, picking off potato bugs and weeding in the summer, and harvesting in the fall. My mother still is a prolific gardener.
     We ate with the seasons. She always made our three squares a day from scratch. All organic and with a ton of vitamin L (LOVE). We stored apples and potatoes in a root cellar. Canned fruit and veggies and aged homemade cheese wrapped in cheesecloth. And lots of spiders down there, I still get the heeby jeebys when I go down there.
I was born on the kitchen floor.
     Healthy food and a healthy lifestyle was our life. The crazy thing is, my mother never thought to teach me how to cook. We have since discussed this and she admits she just wanted us (my brother and I) out of the way! She was busy making every meal, baking bread, and whipping up mayonnaise from scratch. Gardening from spring to fall, canning everything under the sun. She was never still, nor was my father. An avid hunter, he butchered and packaged our wild game, and caught and smoked our fish. I think you get the picture.
     My point is that even though we ate almost all organic and from our own property, I WAS NEVER TAUGHT HOW TO COOK!
     I have no idea what I ate in college. Cup O Noodles and marshmallow fluff maybe? Oh, and Boone's Farm...
After college I moved to "The Big City" (Portland, OR). I was at loose ends and a bit lonely, and my mother suggested I join a gym. "You will feel better when you move your body and meet a quality of people with similar standards," she said. This one suggestion has turned out to be one of those life paths that has been pivotal for the rest of my life.
I LOVED how the gym made me feel. I met amazing people and became passionate about fitness.
     I moved to Kauai, Hawaii in 1999. I knew no one there but knew I needed a change and did not like the path some of my close friends were going down. Once again my mom: "Find a gym." So I did, and after speaking with the owner who mentioned that the boat company next door was hiring, I got a job. For a girl who had never been out on the ocean it was quite a departure from what I was used to, but boy did I fall in love! I spent a year working on sail and motor catamarans with mostly happy tourists. I fell in love with the ocean, became a certified scuba diver, and met some of the most amazing people. Definitely my tribe. Rainbows in the mornings, the Napali coast, and spinner dolphins galore.
I was there when the Twin Towers fell. I decided to return to the mainland while the world was in turmoil, and as the fates would have it, I met the love of my life. In a very short period after coming back to Portland I fell in love and became a Personal Trainer at a chain gym.
     I started my own business after a year or so, Mequasah's Functional Fitness. In my training courses I learned not just about the physical body, but also about food prepping and the fundamentals of nutrition.
     The most valuable thing I learned from my role as a trainer was the feeling I got by supporting and watching individuals meet their training goals. Gaining muscle mass, improved stability, gained confidence, better sleep, the list literally goes on and on. I was so proud of them. It was a gift to myself. Of course, when you are immersed in health you usually live it yourself, and I certainly did. 

     But I also wonder if this is the beginning of my disordered eating.
Through my 20s and 30s I would read labels, be aware of calories, say no to pizza and eat virtually the same thing every day five days a week, then go off the rails a couple of days a week. That seemed to work for me at the time but I wish I had known then what I know now. What havoc restriction and cycles of overeating can cause to your system in the long run. How limiting food, when I was working out so hard, was so much harder on my body than it would have been if I had fed myself properly with the right whole foods.
     Exercise was NEVER an issue. There was rarely a program or fitness idea I did not like. "Spartan race? I'M IN!!" "Pole fitness, yep." "Kettlebells, oh yes!" Trapeze and aerial silks, hiking, snowboarding, and so on. From the very beginning, I loved how exercise made me feel. How good it felt in my body.
     At the same time, I have never met an active person who has not suffered injuries and setbacks. I can say with 100 percent certainty that these setbacks, in hindsight, have been some of the most valuable growth factors in my life. I have learned humility, patience, and compassion.
      I loved to run but after growing up horseback riding, my kneecaps had developed off-center of their tracking bones, which meant I could no longer run after I hit 20. Already at 20 I could not run out to my car to avoid rain without them getting inflamed and full of fluid. "What about zombies?!"
     Luckily with my background in functional fitness I was able to figure out what worked for me. In February of 2007 I spiral fractured my fibula and tibia while snowboarding. It was so shattered that we had to wait months before they were able to insert a rod and screws. I was unable to walk unassisted for nine months. Having your husband carry your bucket of urine downstairs for you is pretty humbling. I learned that sometimes my house was just not going to be as clean as I wanted. I gained so much compassion during this immensely valuable time. Even though I am still, many years later, dealing with the ramifications of that injury, I will always be grateful for what life has sent me. During this time my mom got me a few Rodney Yee yoga videos and a stability ball video that once again changed the flow of my life. I could not drive to the gym, so I did what I could at home.
     As soon as I had clearance I found a yoga studio. I played with Bikram and vinyasa, got pregnant, and did a lot of walking. I gained over 60 pounds during my pregnancy. I refused to be concerned. I was active every day, but man was I hungry! Luckily at this point I had learned more about healthy eating and cooked tons of healthy food for my husband and myself.
     After giving birth, via a C-section (all those natural birthing classes down the drain), to our very large, very healthy daughter, I got moving again with kettlebells and hot yoga. The weight fell off.
     But disordered eating really kicked in. I would make an entire tray of rice crispy treats with peanut butter and could not stop eating. I would have to throw them in the trash and pour dish soap on them. If I am honest, it was the boredom. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED my girl and loved being a mom, but I was BORED. I had grown up in a home where my mother was home with the kids and my husband was raised the same way, and even though we never said that this is what had to be, it was in our DNA. Not until my daughter was 7 did I, with a LOT of pushing from friends and family, take time for me to go through my first 200-hour yoga teacher training. Another life-changing decision.
     I can no longer imagine my life without yoga in it, without that balance that has instilled itself in my very being. I was able to study the philosophy of yoga and the Bhagavad Gita, meditation, breathwork, Ayurveda, and yes, the asana practice itself. This of course did not all come in the first 200 hours but over the next 500 hours of yogic training and courses and eight years of practice and teaching, including advanced Yoga Medicine training through Tiffany Cruikshank with a deep focus on myofascial release.
     As I have aged the body continues to change and morph. Bilateral knee release surgery in 2020, along with a significant weight gain, rocked my world.
     My husband lost his mother. We moved away from my family, and because of the pandemic were suddenly told to lockdown in our home. We drank wine and ate pizza and did all the unhealthy things we had never done in our lives. We homeschooled our daughter, learned line dancing from YouTube, and spiraled down a rabbit hole that we never even saw coming. 2021 saw our relationship in a place it had never been before, and my body and self-esteem were at rock bottom. I KNEW I needed to get OUT OF MY RUT.
     First I had to realize I was in a rut, which I had finally done, but then I had NO IDEA what to do. I knew I was not living my mental and spiritual potential. I always loved helping others to grow and thrive but did not know where to start. I had not found my yoga community in my new home and was no longer teaching yoga very often.
     A dear friend (Stef) got me hooked on Dr. Mark Hyman's podcasts and I would listen to those as I hiked. Somewhere in there my spark got lit, then turned into a flame. I felt like I had the physical stuff down. I had spent my 20s and 30s learning the physical and I was craving more wisdom. Did I need to go back to college to become a Naturopath, something I had been interested in for years? I hated the idea of having to learn things I would never use. I started the process of enrolling in our local college just the same, had faith that what was meant to be would be, and come naturally. A belief I have carried with me my entire life. Within a few weeks I had dropped my classes (thank goodness) and enrolled in The Institute for Integrative Nutrition. I started the next HUGE life-changing path.
     The Institute for Integrative Nutrition reiterated all of those amazing things I had learned throughout my life and then opened my eyes to so much more. I am still in awe and so grateful that I found that program, one that felt so right in my heart and soul.
     I should not be surprised, because that knowing is in all of us. That deep knowledge of what we need to do next. We know it in our gut. We just have to be open, listen, and ask the right questions.
     At IIN they put into words what I already knew. That what we put in our mouth is really our secondary food, and that the people we love, the home where we live, and the people with whom we surround ourselves is our primary food. We feed our souls.
     As I peeled back the layers and years of my own health journey I learned to let go of the idea of perfection. I learned more self-love and compassion, that I do not need to be in control of everything, and that if I mess up, that is okay. I do not need to know all of the answers. I simply need to be present with all of the abundant love that I hold. I have found a beautiful balance, and it will of course go off balance, and I will course correct again and again.
I have found the compassion that I give out to others so freely and I now share it with myself as well. I was without a doubt the healthiest I had ever been in my life.
                                          And then perimenopause walked in and humbled me all over again.
     I want to be real with you about this because I think it matters. I have spent my entire adult life prioritizing my health. I moved my body, I ate well, I managed my stress, I did the work. And then somewhere in my early 40s my body started doing things I did not recognize and could not explain. Loss of sex drive. Sensitive teeth out of nowhere. A random dry eye that appears with zero warning. Sleep had already been an issue and it bacame a MUCH bigger one. Brain fog that made me feel like a stranger in my own mind. The WEIGHT that redistributed itself without asking my permissionand wouldnt leave unless i wired my jaw shut. Oh, the mood shifts that had no business being that extreme. One day at the gym I caught myself and decided "I am not going to make ANY big decisions intil i'm into menopause". The works.
The maddening part was that I was doing everything right. By every measure I should have been thriving. And I was nowhere close.
     I spent a long time being frustrated, confused, and honestly a little embarrassed, because of all people, I should know how to handle this. Right? I am the health coach. What I came to understand is that perimenopause is not a willpower problem. It is not a discipline problem. It is a hormonal and physiological shift that no amount of kale or kettlebells can fully address on its own.
     I also had to confront something that went against everything I thought I believed about myself. I had to consider HRT. I am the person who would not take aspirin if I could avoid it. Who researched every supplement before it touched my lips. Who side-eyed pharmaceutical interventions on principle. And yet here I was, not thriving, not myself, and finally willing to look at every option on the table with an open mind.
     That decision, and the journey of navigating it thoughtfully, carefully, and in partnership with practitioners who actually listened to me, changed everything. I am getting myself back. The energy, the clarity, the libido (yes, I said it, and yes, it is coming back), the sense of being at home in my body again. It has not been a straight line and I am still on the path, but I am moving in the right direction and I know exactly why.
     I share all of this because I want you to know that when you sit across from me, whether it is on Zoom or in person, you are not sitting across from someone who has only studied these things in a textbook. You are sitting across from someone who has lived them. Who has cried in frustration over labs that looked "normal." Who has advocated for herself in medical offices, changed her mind about things she swore she would never do, and come out the other side with more compassion, more knowledge, and more fire than ever before.
     You will not find a more empathetic person in your corner. I promise you that.
     In the years since, I have continued deepening my knowledge, adding advanced training in HRT and hormonal health, completing over 700 hours of yogic training and teaching, and building a specialization in perimenopause and menopause support, blood sugar balance, circadian rhythm and sleep optimization, stress and cortisol management, and myofascial release. I collaborate closely with naturopathic medicine (Citrine Holistic Health) and work alongside physicians who share my belief in treating the whole person. I am also putting the finishing touches on my first book, Navigating Perimenopause with Your Sanity Intact...ish, for women who are done guessing and ready for real answers.

I am excited to listen with my open heart and ask questions with my wealth of knowledge to help anyone ready to change their lives forever.